


Chaos of Life

by ChaosNeko



Category: Naruto, Sasuke (TV), Sasuke/Naruto - Fandom, sasunaru - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-26 22:14:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5022523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosNeko/pseuds/ChaosNeko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke has a secret that he has been hiding for a while, not very many people know but more and more are starting to find out. Soon sasuke begins to wonder if it will affect his chances with Naruto. Modern AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Secrets

Sasuke was looking through his closet for work. He rumaged through and found a blue peticoat and black leggings, he shuffled over to his dresser and pulled out a simple black tank top. This would do for today. It had been 3 years since he moved to Suna and left behind his life in Konoha. Since then he had discovered he was a gender fluid and became more comfortable in his skin. Sasuke took up a job at a local cafe not far from the house and had a few friends that were their support Gaara and Temari who were siblings. Temari was the first to discover Sasuke's secret and her and Gaara had grown accustomed to what names and pronouns to use and when. When Sasuke felt more Masculine he would go as Sasuke, and any other time they/she would go as Sasu. Sasuke had not told anyone from Konoha about this because of the anxiety of everyone knowing he was born male and the possibility of it ruining friendships, it wasn't easy but still pretending to be male all the time when visiting Itachi for the holidays also became harder and harder.

Today Sasuke was Sasu and she was feeling good about the day. She got ready and grabbed her shoulder pack heading to work. It was partially rainy and she couldn't wait to get in the coffee shop and make a mocha. The bells on the door chimed signalling someone had entered the shop and Temari looked up from the book she was reading while leaned up against the counter. "Hey Sasu! Gaara's in the back putting away the shipment, looks like today is going to be an easy day." Because of the rain people in Suna wouldn't be going out very often, coming from a desert area they generally strayed away from cold weather, rain and snow.

"Alright, I will start decorating for Holloween then. About time we actually have a slow period were we can do that." Sasu shrugged making her coffee.

"Also I got you a present!" Temari smirked.

"What?" Sasu ask confused.

Temari laughed and called Gaara telling him to bring her bag from the back. He threw it at her, after catching it she raised her middle finger to the red head who just smirked at her. Sasu was confused it was unlike Temari to get anyone anything. She shuffled through her bag throwing various items on the counter before she found what she was looking for. "Close you eyes."

"No..." Sasu said crossing her arms.

"Yes or no present."

"I don't trust it." Temari was known for being spiteful regardless if you knew what you did or not. A gift could be her getting back at Sasu.

Gaara watched the raven and blonde glare at each other. "Just do it, I promise it's safe." He said looking bored at the situation.

Sasu reluctantly closed her eyes. The feeling of something heavy being clipped in her hair was unexpected. When she opened her eyes Temari was holding out a mirror. Sasu grabbed it quickly and saw clip in pig tails on either side of her head. Her eye sparkled looking from the mirror to Temari and back again "I new you wanted some, saw you looking at them last week on your phone. Plus they make you look great!" Temari grinned.

Sasu was about to reply when the bells on the door chimed signaling someone coming in. Sasu looked up to see someone she hadn't expected to. Naruto walked in sporting his signature grin. Sasu pulled Gaara and Temari to the side really quick. "I know him from when i lived in Konoha, can I work in the back please? I don't want him to recognize me."

"No, just be natural and if he says anything negative about you I'll kick his ass." Temari stated. "You need to get over your fears and let people accept you."

Gaara nodded in agreement as he walked to the counter, Naruto was still looking at the menu. "What can I get you sir?"

"Uh...what do you recommend?" Naruto asked rubbing the back of his head, he wasn't good at making decisions, especially when it came to places he wasn't familiar with. Gaara stared at him for a minute. "Well what do you like?"

"Uhhhmmmm"

Garra waited patiently watching the blond male. He started getting bored staring at the what he thought to be gorgeous male in front of him."Hey get over here and make one of your specials." Gaara pointed at Sasu and left the blonde staring after him.

Sasu glared at him and stood still in the back in moving. Temari huffed and took Sasu by the arms starting to push her forward. "Here she is, she makes the best drinks, especially when you don't know what you want."

Sasu flipped her off and went to work ignoring the puzzled look on Narutos face. She made a coconut caramel mocha and handed it to the blonde dobe. Naruto stared at her for a minute after paying for his drink. "You look familiar."

Staring at him Sasu whatched as he took a drink, never speaking to the blonde. If anything were to give her away as Sasuke it would be her voice and she was not ready for that to happen. Sasu shrugged as he gave her a thumbs up and walked over to a couch and sat down to enjoy his drink. Today was turning out to be worse then Sasu thought.

Gaara walked over wipping down tables and dusting off the window sills intrigued by the person from Sasu's past. Maybe he would turn out to be a good friend And Sasu was just over reacting, or maybe this person was just passing through. Either way he was hot and it wouldn't hurt getting to know someone new. "What brings you here?" Gaara asked looking boredly at the spray cleaner as he walked to the window he planned on cleaning.

"Oh uh, I just moved here with some friends, they needed an extra roommate and I wanted to expand my horizons as a photographer. I heard that there are alot of interesting places and people here and they make the perfect subjects for photography." Naruto replied watching Gaara.

"Hmmm well its a desert, unlike today it usually hot so I hope you are prepared for that. Also the people here can be assholes regardless how interesting they look so becareful of them too." Gaara sat in a chair across from Naruto. He kept thinking maybe if he could keep talking to this guy he could eventually get a date. Sasu obviously wasn't jumping at this one right now.

Naruto sipped at his coffee he looked over toward the counter and saw Sasu glaring at their direction arms crossed and the blonde woman talking to her and laughing. "She looks alot like someone I know." Naruto muttered hunching over his coffee.

Gaara looked up at the counter. "You never know, you could always talk to her." He looked over at his sister and the raven, Sasu looked pretty stuck.

"Couldn't be who I think." Naruto shook his head trying to clear his thoughts of his best friend he hadn't seen in years. "Anyways, her coffee is amazing. This is a nice little shop too, and not to far away from where I live either."

"Oh really? So you'll be coming back?" Gaara asked.

Naruto looked around the shop. "Yeah definately, one of my new favorites, well only favorite so far."

Sasu had started decorating with fake spiderwebs tangling them across the light fixtures, she had moved over to the window close to Naruto and Gaara trying to hear their conversation. Temari was smiling a big cheshire smile towards them she had a feeling that Sasu liked this other blonde, she was hardly ever wrong. "She lives near here as well maybe you'll see her around." Temari said point at Sasu and joining the group.

Sasu glared at her. "Oh ok." Naruto said slightly worried at the glare Sasu was giving to Temari. It was a warning to Temari the heat of the glare sending invisible daggers.

Temari ignored Sasu and continued, "Yeah me and her and Gaara can probably show you around sometime, you being new here and all." Temari smirked at Sasu.

"Yeah that sounds great!" He paused looking at the raven haired female. "But only if you want to, I don't want to bother you." Naruto smiled.

Gaara was watching the blonde male as he watched Sasu, maybe he didn't have a chance with this one after all. The way this guy was looking at Sasu with so much focus, he even noticed the secretive glances in Sasu's direction.

"I'm sorry to ask but does she speak at all? Not trying to be rude or anything." Naruto asked.

"Yeah all the time, mostly threats and a shitty attitude though." Temari laughed. "Probably better she's not talking right now." Sasu flipped her off.

"Guess she doesn't want to talk to me then?" Naruto stared at her as if challenging the raven to talk. "What's your name?" He asked watching her.

Sasu glared back slight fear written on her face. What would he say if she answered? Would he care? Would he hate her?

"Let's be friends?" Naruto said to Sasu.

Sasu looked at her old friend for a long minute. An idea popped into their head. She new Naruto had learned sign language iniddle school as a way to talk to his cousin Deidara. Sasu had for the same reason because Dei had always been like an older sibling to them both and also one of Itachi's best friends back then. Sasu signed "I guess" to Naruto.  
Naruto stared for a minute. He looked towards Temari and Gaara for answers. They both shrugged at him not knowing how to reply. Temari looked amused at the three, so this is how it was going to go huh?

"What's your name?" Gaara asked trying to break the awkward silence.

Naruto looked up at him as if snapping out of a dream. "Oh, uh its Naruto." Naruto looked over at Sasu and signed what he said. (Names in sign language are giving by a person who signs its usually something that describes them, in Narutos case Deidara have him the sign for Sun so that is what Naruto signs to Sasuke.)/p> Sasu tried not to smile knowing all to well what the name was. "I am Stars," Sasu signed back, she didn't sign Moon and Stars the name Deidara had given her back in the day hoping Naruto wouldn't catch on. Gaara looked lost between the two talking sign language. Sasu and Naruto went on signing about Halloween and how good the coffee was. Temari laughed knowing full well what was going on and being signed and Gaara went in the back to organize supplies. "Well I better be off, I have got some things to unpack and do. I'll stop by again sometime soon." Naruto said and waved as he left the shop. Temari smacked Sasu in the back of the head. "How long do you think you can pull this off?" "With that Dobe, probably years" Sasu stated. Temari smacked her in the back of the head again and glared, " You are going to have to tell him eventually you know." "Not yet" Sasu said as she started to hand spiderwebs off of the counter and register.


	2. Friendship?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will be using and changing Sasuke's pronouns as they fit him for his gender bending moments.

Sasuke was leaning against the counter at the coffee shop it was close to closing time and he hasn't seen Naruto in three days. Temari went up to him, "Do you even want to see him when you are Sasuke?" She asked patting his shoulder.

"No, but I do still like him. Want if he hates this place because he has figured it out?" Sasuke burried his face in his arms.

"Oh I see. You have a crush on him, and don't want him to know you ran away and found yourself." Temari smacked the back of his head.

"Tsk, don't be an asshole Temari" Sasuke picked himself off of the counter and grabbed his jacket. "We ready to go?"

"Yeah, oh and you work Saturday so enjoy your two days off away from the peeps. Gaara hasn't posted the schedule yet and didn't want to come in on his day off." Temari turned out the lights and followed Sasuke out the door.

\---------next day--------

Sasu was dressed in leggings and an overtly giant sweatshirt, hood up with the pigtails Temari had given her. Today was grocery day and going out into public didn't seem important on grocery day especially not at 8 in the morning. She shuffled through the store putting things in the cart. As she was walking over to grab some cereal off of the shelf someone ran laughing right into her knock the both of them over in a splay of limbs. Sasu glared down at the person splayed across her chest and arm, surprised to see blonde spikey hair and bright blue eyes. She set her head back down on the aisle and huffed. Naruto scrabbled of of her to help her up.

"Sorry I just was running to grab something for my cousin Dei and I didn't see you and and..." Naruto was cut short in his rambled speaking by Sasu hand covering his mouth.

"Be more careful Dobe" Sasu signed.

Naruto stared at Sasu for a minute and then smiled and shook his head. "Yeah will do. What are you doing here?"

Sasu smirked and motioned to her cart of groceries. Naruto scratched his head and laughed.

\-----that night------

Sasu was dressed in black sort shorts a tank top and a purple fishnet shirt. Temari was wearing the exact same except in a whit tank top and grey washed out shorts. They decided to have a girls night and go out to the local lgbt friendly club have some drinks and dance. They didn't get many nights like these anymore since Temari had went back to college last month.

They were playing some sort of Maroon 5 remix the lights were bright and everything was going good. Temari had gotten a call and went to the bathroom. Sasu sat and stared off into the crowd. "Hey let me buy you a drink?" Some ghostly white person came up.

"Fuck off Orochimaru, how many times do I have to tell you no before you get it?" Sasu grimaced.

"S-ss-still playing hard to get?" Orochimaru smirked slinking closer.

Sasu wrinkled her nose and tried to move forward to get away only to see that two big guys with their back towards her Wer blocking the way. Orochimaru pressed up against Sasu grinding himself against her making it look like her, trying to make it look like they were dancing. Sasu slapped him across the face, hoping to squeeze away before he noticed. Just as she was about to be in the clear a cold hand grabbed her back and pulled her up against them.

Out of nowhere a strong arm wrapped around Sasu and pulled her out of Orochimaru's grasp. She looked up and saw none other then Deidara right before he punched Orochimaru in the face and pulled her safely across the dance floor.

"What are you doing here?" They both signed at each other at the same time. Both smirked and hugged each other.

"I'm gay" Deidara signed back being his bubbly excited self.

Sasuke smiled and sat down motioning for Dei to do the same. Sasu took half an hour explaining being genderfluid and the run in with Naruto and how she left because of being afraid of how people would react find out she was gay and genderfluid. Dei hugged Sasu really tight.

"You are going to tell Naruto?" Dei signed.

"About which part?" Sasu asked.

"All of it?" Dei signed.

Sasu looked in pain. "How did he react when you told him?"

Dei looked guilty "I haven't yet." He signed.

"Secret for now?" Sasu asked.

Dei nodded and smiled and signed "Wanna come over sometime? We can hang out and talk while Naruto is in his classes."

"Yeah that would be good. Also you can stop by where I work sometime and get coffee too." Sasu laughed.


	3. Project

Naruto's photography class had one main project for the semester. And it was a difficult one. He stared at the paper rereading it...: 

Find a life style and photograph the changes throughout the period of time allotted. Document the life choices the life changes and what it means to that person or people. Write a page and a half essay explaining your work and take 20-60 pictures of each individual that is part of your project. Regardless of how many people you chose there has to be 40 pictures at the very least and no more then 100 at the most.

He signed this was a pain in the ass. Who would he even find to pick to be a subject? What would be a life style choice to choose? What even was a life style? All Naruto knew is that he needed coffee and inspiration, maybe going to the park and the coffee shop would be what he needed. He gathered is camera and grabbed a jacket. It had rained in Suna once again it was getting close to flood season though. He walked two blocks down to the park and sat on a bench to take pictures of the birds and the pond, a few statues that were down the path. He watch some families with younger children and some young couples, then he walked a bit farther and found some people doing yoga in a group, and walked by a few joggers.

Maybe he would find someone in the art district? Lots of interesting people there. First though he needed some coffee. It had been two weeks since he saw the girl who had the dark hair and he felt kinda sad. He kinda felt like she was so familiar but also nothing he had ever experienced before. He walked through the door before he even realized he had made it.

"Oh you are back?" The red head behind the counter asked.

"Yeah college classes and everything have got me on a pretty messed up schedule. Still haven't gotten my bearings on this place either." Naruto smiled at the guy. "Where is Stars at?" Naruto asked.

"Stars?" Gaara said confused.

Naruto smacked himself in the head. " Yeah the girl that was signing to me, the word she signed was stars. My name is Naruto but the way sign language works they don't have actual names so someone who teaches you or knows you gives you a name. The one I signed back to her meant sun."

"Oh, well it's...Stars...day off today she won't be in till day after tomorrow." Gaara stared at Naruto.

"I see well can you get me a triple shot mocha please?" Naruto asked. Gaara turned around and started making the drink. "Anything interesting to do around here? Places for inspiration or anything?"

"Uh...maybe the art district? Or the museum across town" Gaara looked off in space thinking. "The park? Maybe the bridge or shops?" He handed Naruto the drink. "What's are you working on that you need inspiration for?"

"My photography class for the college, I have a project and I just need to figure out my next project." Naruto smiled and pulled out his wallet.

"Free of charge today blue eyes." Gaara waved him off. "Go to the art district for sure. And I'll tel Stars you stopped by." Gaara laughed slightly at the end.

Naruto took his time walking to the art district. When he got there the first thing he saw was Deidara and Stars sitting at a picnic table outside of a shop eating a giant platter of chocolate covered fruit. "Wow didn't expect to see that..." He muttered to himself as he walked over.

"Naruto!" Dei signed waving his arms excitedly as his cousin walked up. Sasu turned around surprised.

"What are you doing here?" Sasu signed to Naruto.

"Well I was looking for inspiration for an art project and I came her to find my cousin and the chick from the coffee shop out on a date." Naruto smiled. It was kinda of shocking to him actually.

Sasu spit out the water she was drinking and Deidara started laughing so hard he fell out of his seat. Naruto stared at them confused. "We aren't dating!" Sasu quickly signed. Causing Deidara to laugh harder.

"Sure, any ways I am off to find inspiration, I'll see you guys later" Naruto smirked as he took a picture before running off.

 

\------next day------

Sasu was hanging out with Dei down town, well more so shopping. Yesterday before Naruto had showed up Dei had told her that he believed he was transgender and wanted to get some clothes to where to see how it felt but that he was scared to do so alone. But he also stated that he didn't want to change his name or pronouns yet just in case it didn't feel right. Sasu had agreed knowing how awkward the first few steps were in becoming yourself. At the time Sasu had Temari dragging him all over for shopping when she had came out as genderfluid. It's always nice having someone who knows what they are doing along.

So far they had gotten underwear and bras, and a few nice pairs of sparkly pocketed jeans and two shirts for Dei. But Dei had decided to make the next step and buy a dress and skirt after he had realized how open most of the shop keepers were that Sasu had taken him to. Sasu suggested they eat first then finish.

 

\-----after shopping----

Deidara had insisted they go back to his house so he could try on all the clothes he got. So now they were on the sofa Dei was wearing a one-piece bunny pj kigarumi and they were watching some zombie show on TV. There was a pizza on the table that they had been eating and it was like the good old days but Naruto wasn't currently there and neither was Itachi and they were both more so themselves.

Three episodes in Naruto walked in and through his coat towards the hook it was supposed to be on and came walking in the living room. "Hey Dei, what are we having for din....ner??? I knew you guys were dating!!!!" He exclaimed pointing at the two who were sprawled out on the floor. Watxhing TV.

Sasu smacked herself in the face and Deidara started having a laughing for again. "No we are watching TV." Sasu signed hurriedly.

"We don't have to hide anymore " Deidara signed as he continued laughing. Sasu smacked him, making him laugh if possible even harder then before.

"I don't get what's so funny. But you guys can date it's no big deal, and you are hot so my cousin did a good job picking someone." Naruto shrugged and walked into the other room.

Sasu signed that he was heading off to Dei while Naruto got a glass of water. She hugged him and headed out.


	4. Café

Sasuke was sitting in a park bench staring off into space. He didn't know what he was going to do to tell Naruto what was going on and now the blonde thought he was a hot chick and that he wasn't dating Dei. It had been years litterally since he had seen Naruto as what Naruto had remembered him as, and though he thought he had looked the same the whole time when he went up to up to the water in the pond he could see how much he had changed. Sasuke didn't have the muscle he used to have, he still had some but it wasn't as built up, he was thinner and more feminine looking. His clothes weren't tight to show off, now they more so consisted of cozy slightly loose pieces and skinny jeans or leggings. His hair had grown longer then it's short spikeyness of when he was a high schooler. All in all he looked more dainty and pretty rather then tough and dangerous. This kinda bugged him to no end. In all honesty today he hated his body in a way he hadn't in a long time.

He wondered if Naruto really had any idea of who he was or if how he looked now just reminded his friend of the Sasuke he used to be. Deidara had recognised him from his voice and the appearance he had was similar enough that Dei had put the pieces together. At the same time though Dei had been more so one to pay attention to small details where as Naruto was more of a big picture type of person. Sasuke walked alone the clay coated bank of the pond wondering what he should do. In all honesty he did want to tell Naruto who he was, but he also didn't want a bad reaction to it. He decided to head towards the coffee shop to see if Temari could make him feel better.

\---------

Naruto was sitting at the kitchen table of the apartment him and Dei had rented looking through some old art work. Kiba and Neji were supposed to come up for winter break. The plan was to all rent a house together but the houses in Suna were expensive close to the college so they were waiting for Sakura, Hinata and Shikamaru to move up as well, they had one more semester of college back home before they could transfer and have the money saved.

He was digging through a folder from his highschool days. It had been a long time since he looked through this binder but he was trying to organize the mess he had accumulated. There were sketches of his friends, Sai's unmoving face, Sakura in a field of flowers, Shikamaru napping in science class, some of examples of his Art teacher Kakashi's face looked like under his turtle neck sweaters. Then there where photographs: Shikamaru glaring at the camera because it had flashed ruining his nap, Hinata blushing on the bus when she figured out her picture was being taken, Everyone at the picnic table in the courtyard their freshman year, Neji wearing a dress for a school play, Choji raiding Irukas candy stash, suddenly a picture of someone he had almost forgotten about in the moment. In the picture it was autumn, the sky was oranges, pinks and blues it must have been close to nighttime. Naruto was sitting on a bench hugging Sasuke trying to wrap him up in an extremely long scarf that Hinata has made him that day. Sasuke was trying to move away blushing and scowling. He remembered after Sakura had taken the picture he had fallen onto Sasuke and into a pile of leaves but he had successfully wrapped the scarf around both of them. It had been Sasuke's last day before he moved and him and Sakura had spent the whole day with him. It had been a long time since he had seen or heard from his old friend it must have been a year after Sasuke left that they had just casually stopped talking and he didn't even remember why. Itachi had said Sasuke visited him during the holidays, but Naruto always was gone during the holiday season staying with Deidara and his uncle Jiraya, so maybe he could go up to see Sasuke this year. Maybe he should call Itachi and see if he could have Sasuke number. It might be nice to talk to him since it had been 6 years and before that all happened they were best friends.

\-------

Itachi was heating up his dinner, he had just entered the penthouse suite of the hotel he was running. His father had left him the business and it had been a rough day, the start of the holiday rush was beginning and everyone was booking vacations. The systems had crashed four times today and the IT people didn't seem to know shit, or they were being lazy, either way he needed to fire them. He could feel the stress in his bones. Itachi grabbed the pizza pocket out of the microwave, his go to food when he stayed late at the hotel, and sat down at the table when his phone started vibrating in his pocket.

"Yes, what is it now Sasori?" Itachi answered rubbing his temples while staring at his food.

"Itachi, how have you been?" Naruto smiled from the other end of the phone.

Itachi stared at his hot pocket some more and turning it over, "Oh, Naruto, what a surprise. Alright, start of the holiday season. Is there a reason you called at 11 pm? Not that I don't enjoy hearing from you, but it's been a long day"

"Oh shit! I forgot there was a time zone difference!!!! It's 3pm here...sorry 'tachi!!!!" Naruto rambled. "Would you by chance give me Sasuke's number? I would ask Dei but he is out somewhere probably on a date with the chick from the café down the road or something..."

"Dei is dating a girl?" Itachi questioned laughing. Itachi and Dei had been dating for about 5 years now and it was funny Naruto hadn't caught on.

"Yeah the hot one at the café, actually she looks alot like Sasuke but if he was a girl." Naruto stated.

Itachi laughed shaking his head, alright so Naruto didn't know yet, Dei hadn't told him that they were dating. Then again he was a busy kid trying to get through school, and a little scatter brained. But also who was this girl that looked like his brother? He would have to ask Dei about it. "Alright if you say so.....remind Dei to Skype me, I want to see how he is doing out there."

"Yeah will do! But can I please get Sasuke's number?" He agreed.

Itachi took a bite of his hot pocket. "Yeah but I am surprised that you haven't seen him around yet." Maybe he had seen Sasuke but didn't realize it, come to think of it Sasuke's hair was quite a bit longer then he used to wear it.

"Seen him around?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah I thought that was one of the reasons you moved out to Suna with Dei? Or did Dei not tell you?" Itachi stared at his phone.

"I didn't know Sasuke moved out here...we kinda lost touch, and no Dei didn't tell me" Naruto suddenly sounded depressed.

\--------

"Temari what do I do?" Sasuke asked sitting at the counter if the coffee shop fiddling with the handle on his cup of hot chocolate.

Temari stared at him for a minute "Well you drink the hot chocolate instead of starting at it" then it clicked. "Oh...tell him you are genderfluid and you had a huge crush on him since what was it 7th grade? Move on with life and live happily ever after because he is actually in love with you too. Or show up at my door crying because he is horrible and a dick that will never love you and never wants to see you again and I will pull out the ice cream and kids movies. At that point I'll go out murder him and string his body up in town for being a dick and we will live happily ever after."

"That's not helpful." Sasuke stated. "Would you actually do something like that.." Sasuke scrunched up his nose and sighed. "Can't you just tell me everything will be ok, he won't hate me, and all sunshine and rainbows and shit no matter what?"

Temari rolled her eyes. "You are hopeless. Worst case senerio he hates you and doesn't want to talk to you or see you. On one hand you haven't seen him since the end of sophomore year of high school and haven't really talked to him since then till he moved up here so it wouldn't be a real loss. Or best case he accepts it and falls madly in love with you and you run off into the sunset. I'm not gonna lie to you Sasuke it's not all rainbows and unicorns, but it's not all bad either. There are a billion of things that could happen in a billion ways. He could hate you but at the same time you might just have to take your time explaining everything to him to where he understands. It's not going to be an easy road because from what I understand he doesn't know about your world."

Sasuke looked at her defeated. "I don't think I am quite ready to do that yet."

Temari shrugged. "Wait until you are comfortable but don't wait forever Sasuke. He knows you and he knows Sasu, it's only a matter of time before it clicks and it probably won't be the best of ways to find out."

Just then Sasuke's phone started going off. "Hello?"

"Hey stranger, long time and all that. How come you never told me you lived in Suna?" Naruto's voice beamed through the phone.

"Naruto? How did you get my number?" Sasuke looked like a dear caught in headlights, suddenly Naruto finding out how Temari had stated seems like the only possibility in the moment..

Naruto hummed. "Oh! Itachi gave it to me. I hadn't heard from you in forever so I thought I would call and see what was up.....He told me this was where you had moved."

"Hnnnn. I do live here."

"So I live in Suna now to we should meet up sometime." Naruto was smiling into the phone. "It's been a long time since we have seen each other."

"I am kinda busy at the moment Dobe. Sasuke stated looking at Temari.

"Oh, sure.... Anyways we should meet up sometime. Call me back when you have time." Naruto sighed and hung up.

"Stupid Dobe" Sasuke whispered under his breath.

"Let me guess he wants to meet up?" Temari smirked.

Sasuke looked at her "Tskkk eavesdropper" he stared out the window. "I'm gonna head out Temari, I need some time to think."

\--------

Sasuke sat on his bed it had been 4 days since Naruto's call and he still hadn't called back and luckily he had avoided seeing Naruto at the cafe, he had been feeling masculine for most of the week and his mood seemed to make it keep its hold. He was staring at his phone thinking about how he could even go about telling his old friend and long time crush what was going on, he had been doing that for the past four days everytime he was alone long enough he would think about it. He held the phone in his hand lifting it up to glare at it more as he layed a crossed his bed. All of the sudden it started ringing snappinging him out of his thoughts and making him drop the phone on his face. "Fuck... hello Itachi." Sasuke grunted through the pain as he answered his phone.

"Are you ok little brother?" Itachi asked lifting his eyebrow.

"Yeah dropped the phone on my face. Why did you call?" Sasuke asked rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"I was thinking that I might come up this year for the holidays. Sasori has the hotel under control and I could use a vacation from this place. Plus you always come out here I figure that I should come out and see where you have been living and what it's like and all.." Itachi was smiling into his tablet at Deidara who smiled watching him talk to his brother.

"Uh I don't think that's the best idea...." Sasuke started. "I have alot going on right now and I don't know if now is the best time for you to visit."

"What are you hiding from me little brother?" Itachi asked.

"Why would you think I am hiding something?" Sasuke stared up at his ceiling. Just what he needed his brother to show up and make matters worse.

"Unless you want to come up here but no guarantees on me having any time if I stay." Itachi smiled to himself. "Either way we should invite Deidara and Naruto over for the holidays, Jiraya is out hunting for inspiration for his books again." Itachi got a thumbs up from Dei. "Oh I heard Dei saw you."

"What did Dei say?" Sasu asked.

"Said you looked like you were doing well and you might want to talk to me about something when we see each other next. I am surprised that you haven't gotten ahold of Naruto he has been aparently bugging Dei and me about you since he found out you live near him." Itachi stated. "Plus I have some news too and would like to tell you and Naruto what it is, I am sure you both will be quite surprised." Deidara expression was confused, as Itachi signed that he would tell him his plan in a bit. "So can I come up this year or not Sasuke?" "It's fine. Extend the invitation, I'll figure something out." Sasuke stated rubbing his temples. "When are you gonna get here? And how long are you staying so I can pick up food and stuff?" "Thinking about leaving next week and staying till the holidays are over, kinda miss being around everyone." Itachi was smiling at Dei. "Text me the day and I'll meet you at the train station." Sasuke sighed. \------- Sasuke stared at his apartment. It had been two days since Itachi had called and he hadn't been able to think clearly. So he decided to clean up. He started binning up all the skirts and dresses basically anything he considered to be super girly and put them at the bottom of his closet. Then he cleaned the kitchen and livingroom. His phone started ringing and he answered. Nobody was there so he checked the caller ID to see Dei's number just as someone started knocking at his door. Deidara looked pissed off to say the least. Sasuke walked off leaving the door hanging open so his friend could walk in. "Dei I am not trying to avoid you, or anyone. I just can't think and I don't know what to do. My brain is a mess and I can't handle it." Sasu signed. "Don't shut me out and let me help then." Dei signed back looking concerned. Sasuke inhaled defeated and signed. "I don't see how you can help though Dei, we are in the same position." "Not exactly Sasuke. I can kinda help but I need to tell you something first." Dei looked a little guilty and embarrassed. Sasuke glared. "You didn't tell him about me did you?" Deidara shook his head no really fast. "No Sasuke, it's not anything to do with that." Dei sat down on Sasuke's black plush couch looking around at the different art pieces and framed photos on the walls. He patted the spot next to him when he sat down motioning for Sasuke to sit down as well. "Sasuke, I dont want you to freak out, but I think you will understand why nothing was said about this till now. I have been dating Itachi for 5 almost 6 years now." Sasuke stated at Deidara like he was crazy. "My brother is gay?" Sasuke looked even more confused. Dei took his phone out and held it out so Sasuke could see his background. It was Deidara and Itachi kissing on Itachi's couch. "Ok I get that and I am happy for you and all but how does that help?" "It will help you tell Naruto that you are Sasu too." Dei stared intently at Sasuke. "No it doesn't." Sasuke shook his head. \------- Sasuke stared at his phone like he had done so many times the past week. Itachi would be arriving in two days and he had yet to talk to Naruto. Dei had already told Naruto that they would all be spending the holidays together and would probably be seeing Sasuke soon enough so that kept the blonde at bay. Still Sasuke felt guilty. It felt like he was lying to himself and to his best friend. Without realizing it he had dialed Naruto's number and put the phone to his ear. "Hey, it's about time you call." Naruto's voice seemed just as surprised as Sasuke's face was when he realized he had called. "So, what's going on Sasuke?" "We need to talk. You should come over tonight and visit. I'll make some ramen." Sasuke was still in shock not knowing how he calmly said that. "Alright, want me to bring some games over or something?" Naruto sounded like he was digging through a box, probably still unpacking. "Sure, if you want to Dobe." Sasuke said. "Shut up Teme, I'll see you tonight text me your address.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter sorry for delays and spelling and grammer mistakes. Wanted to pump out a chapter and hopefully get back on tract with posting. Will eventually go back and edit out mistakes.
> 
> \-----trigger warning---  
> Sasuke comes out to Naruto and neither knows exactly how to react or talk about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning
> 
> Coming out to friends, slightly upsetting questions and language.

Sasuke was sitting at Temaris's apartment as she trimmed his hair into his signature chicken butt style he used to always wear. He felt he needed it to feel better it had been a long time since he had felt so masculine for so long and his hair was hassling him. Also he wanted to look ok for seeing Naruto for the first time in so long as Sasuke himself. Temari just shook her head feeling like he was trying to hard to please somebody he didn't even really know anymore. Sasuke was her friend none the less so she was trying to help.

\------------

Sasuke decided to put on a really big dark blue sweater with a silver moon on it that Deidara had insisted he have the last time they met. He was wearing black leggings with silver stars on them for comfort also he wasn't looking the way the jeans he used to wear looked on him anymore. Naruto would be there any minute and he had not full prepared himself to do this. He thought about just not answering the door as he look out the window into the darkness of the streets below. The doorbell rang and stopped his thought process and he turned the handle and opened it to reveal his spikey haired blonde friend.

"What are you doing here? I thought this was Sasuke's apartment?" Naruto said eyes wide open.

"I am Sasuke, also I'm not dating Deidara dobe even though you have assumed that towards me multiple times now."

"WHAT?!?!?!!!!!" Naruto was in shock and dropped his backpack to the ground. "You really have reached a new level of ASSHOLE! You know that right? Walking around dressed as a girl, tricking me and wait....your not dating Deidara?"

Sasuke motioned to his plush red couch as he sat down. "I wasn't tricking you and no I am not dating Dei....but I probably am an asshole."

Naruto stared at Sasuke debating sitting on the couch or the chair next to it. He really didn't know who this person was anymore and that in itself was a thought that scared him. "It's pretty messed up that you are dressing as a girl for a cafe gig Sasuke, it's even more messed up that you were afraid to tell me it was you and didn't want to admit it was just a themed café."

Sasuke was looking down at his hands rubbing them together back and forth. "Its not a themed café Naruto....I do dress as a girl and look feminine at times of my own free will."

"Why? Are you a Drag Queen or something on the side? Sasuke you know you are male right?" Naruto nervously picked at his orange hoody. He wanted to run, this wasn't the Sasuke he knew it wasn't his best friend for so long ago anymore right?

"No Naruto I am not a Drag Queen; but I do give them props, I can take you to meet some down town at one of the clubs if you want?" Sasuke tried to lighten the mood and slightly chuckled as he brought his knees up to his chest and covered them in his sweater.

"Then what Sasuke?" Naruto was afraid of how he would react if Sasuke even answered the question.

Sasuke was looking off into the distance out the window watching the neighbors get their dinner started. He slowly turned back to Naruto. "I am a genderfluid Naruto, I switch back and forth between my gender and how I feel and how I want to present myself so I can be male, female, both, nothing at anytime."

Naruto was silent he didn't know what to say or do. He had been expecting to see his old friend and hang out maybe get some delivery and play a game or watch a show. His old best friend telling him this was so far out of his brain he couldn't comprehend what was happening. "So what am I supposed to say Sasuke because I don't know" Naruto got a pained look on his face. He wanted to support his friend but it was weird right? How can someone change like that. How could that be possible. Was Sasuke trying to say he was transgender? Would Naruto even want to be here if Sasuke was?

"I don't know what you should say. What do you want to say?" Sasuke had his face in his hands kind of worried.

"Uh...I'm uhhhh...I....what?.....uhhhh" Naruto didn't even know how to start. Just then Sasuke's cell bleeped in his pocket and he opened it seeing a message from Dei right before Temari burst through the door with pizza and a confused Dei behind her.

"Naruto! Good to see you!" She put the pizza down on the coffee table. "Sasuke, sorry for not sending you notice but Gaara had a date so I decided me and Dei and you could have some pizza and rent a movie." Temari looked at both of their shocked faces and and smiled warmly. "It'll be nice all of us together hanging out as friends together making memories!"

"Actually I was gonna..." Naruto stopped speaking as Temari's glare hit him full force.

Deidara quickly grabbed a peice of pizza and stuck it into his mouth before sitting down next to Sasuke and giving Naruto pleading eyes.

Temari looked back to Naruto from watching Dei's superb improve move. Honestly she had ran into him while getting Pizza and decided to take him hostage to Sasuke's incase things weren't going well. "I was gonna say...I brought games?" Naruto flinched unsure of what else would be acceptable to say under the glare of this she witch.

Temari smiled "Alright pizza and games it is! This will be the start of a beautiful friendship I think Naruto" Temari   
Smiled and motioned for everyone to grab a slice of the pizza.


	6. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been on and off alot with big gaps in my writing and changing this around. I'm sorry to my reader for that but I'm an adult and have a busy life also when I started writing one of my parents was really ill and somewhere in the middle of what I have written so far they passed away. So I apologize if I'm not the most reliable writer I have some good and a shit ton of bad days since then, today being a good day I decided to write. So I hope you continue reading and enjoying this story.

Trigger warning for this chapter: harsh/confused thoughts 

 

Naruto was in his room staring at the wall while hanging upsidedown of the side of his bed. His brain was running a million miles an hour. How had his friend, his best friend at that come to the conclusion that they were female? How did that only happen sometimes? Was Sasuke's...Sasu 's mental health not well? How had this happened??? He ran his hands across his face and through his hair. He wanted someone to talk to about it but Dei was already in on it and he kinda still blamed him for the whole thing, he wasn't sure what part but he still did.

Sasuke had texted him three times after he left, and Naruto had answered let alone looked at them. Who was this person that had once been Sasuke? Why did they loose touch? What was he going to do for the holidays? He knew he wasn't comfortable being around Sasuke anymore. Everything was wrong, everything and he didn't know how part of his world had been flipped so upside down. How were there old friends going to take it? It was about two weeks till they started coming up for holiday vacation.... Naruto hadn't realized he had started crying till then.

 

 

Itachi was a little confused by the very irritated mood his little brother was in when he was picked up at the train station. Sasuke was wearing a flower in his hair and it was wierd to see but he figured Sasuke was hiding a girlfriend or something and they had a fight. He wanted to question the purple star colored backpack in the trunk but decided to wait for Sasuke to decode to get it off his chest. Itachi was staying at Sasuke's for about two months for the holiday season and he was quite curious to see if he would like the area and possibly thinking of setting up a new business in the area and sell of his current one. Sasori had already called him seventeen times with simple problems and Itachi had just decided to turn off his phone, but now he was wondering if he should turn it on just to break the silence in the car.

It took about half an hour before they were at the apartment Sasuke rented. Sasuke looked like he had just noticed his brother sitting there. "Do you want some coffee? I work at a cafe close by they have some good pastries and such for with it."

Itachi glanced at his brothers face looking like it was begging him to not ask what was wrong. "Sure but I'd like to shower and change first if you don't mind."

"Yeah of course, just let me grab your bags from the trunk really quick." Sasuke smiled.

 

 

Temari was spinning a pair of scissors on her finger bored out of her mind when the door opened shocking her and sending the scissors flying off into one of the couches towards the sitting area. She grimaced seeing the soft plush purple fabric split... Gaara was going to be pissed when he came in for the afternoon shift. She turned her attention towards an awkward blonde who looked distressed.

"Naruto? What can I get you today?" She asked glancing him over.

"Hot chocolate please." He didn't look at her he just sat on a bar stool and put his head down in his arms.

Temari set the hot chocolate down watching the whipped cream she had add jiggle. "Okay so what's with the mood? Your dragging down the atmosphere of the café with that." She frowned at him.

Naruto didn't say a word as he slid money across the counter towards her.

"Kid, don't pay me this ones on the house. But you should speak up now, I'm not a councilor or a bar tender so I don't offer my listening services often." She smiled.

"I....just....don't know what to do." Naruto looked up at her just as the door chimed letting everyone know more customers walked in. Naruto put his head back down letting Temari do her job. Temari didn't move she looked towards an obviously upset and hurt looking Uchiha and an older longer haired looking version of that same Uchiha.

"Hi Sasuke, and uh....older longer haired Uchiha." Temari smiled and greeted. Naruto's head shot up to look at them causing him to fall off the Stoll he was on. Itachi smiled and helped him up Sasuke glared from the side like an animal thay had been cornered.

Itachi smiled, "I didn't expect to see you so soon Naruto. How's school going?"

"Could be better I have one week to decide on a project subject and start before the break begins." Naruto turned his glance towards the younger brother.

Itachi glanced from on to the other. "Something going on? I though you two would be excited to see each other and be best friends and all again?" Temari connected the pieces in her head and didn't say anything, just observing the situation.

Sasuke just stared like he wanted to say something but was holding back. "I'm sorry I have to go." Naruto said as he walked out the door.

 

 

It had been three days since the incident at the café and Itachi was drinking some tea on the couch when Sasuke came home from work. "Something wrong little brother?"

"No, that irritating coworker of mine just keeps bugging me about something. Nothing to worry about, I'm gonna head in to take a shower. Think about what you want for lunch I need to get out of this apartment." Sasuke grumbled as he walked to his room.

Sasuke was done with his shower and nothing felt right. She was Sasu right now but had to keep being Sasuke it's like she was stuck. She constipated what to wear to calm her heart and mind a bit so she wouldn't have a mental breakdown with Itachi around during lunch. In the end pretending to be who she was was and was sometimes still won out. Black jeans and a blue rightish fitting shirt that didn't fit as well as it used to. She stared at herself in the mirror and frowned grabbed the keys and wallet off her nightstand. Time to go be Sasuke again she slammed the door.

Itachi had insisted on taking Dei with them as they hadn't seen each the much since he got there and that seemed to calm Sasuke down a bit but now he noticed more of a nervousness around his younger brother. Dei hopped happily into the car as and they headed towards the art district on Dei's request for lunch. Dei and Itachi kept signing things in the back and Sasuke was nervous because he couldn't watch them and drive at the same time. He did catch his name, Naruto's name, and the confusion on Itachi's face. He also caught marriage and Christmas in the conversation before pulling into the parking lot.

They all sat in silence at an outside café table after ordering some sandwiches and pastries. "Sasuke, I think we all need to talk. Also I think you need to start because whatever has been on your mind since I got here is starting to worry us." Itachi broke the silence with a calm but Sturm voice as he look up from his iced tea.

Sasuke felt stuck. He looked at the flower arrangements hanging above them. The black seats with different pairings from the art college on them, his hands. He thought about how Naruto hadn't talked to him since that night with Temari and Deidara. He thought of his brother and the reason why he had moved to be himself. He felt trapped then, but now there was a pressure threatening to crumble him and all that was around him. He was shocked out of his thoughts by Dei putting a hand on his arm. "I don't want to talk about it." He finally answered and signed.

"I think you need to anyways. Youlook like you are about ready to explode" Dei signed. Itachi was waiting.

"I can't do this." Sasuke signed and walked off leaving his brother and Dei at the table. He realized he had left his keys on the table half way to the parking lot and just decided to walk down to the sitting area at the park a couple of blocks down.

Dei had caught up and sat down next to him a few minutes later and texted something into his phone before putting it away and hugging Sasuke. Sasuke tried to fight it off but soon gave in and started crying. They sat there for a few minutes before Sasuke was allowed to be released. Sasuke started signing about how afraid he was and how Naruto hadn't talked to him, how he was tired of being himself and how he wanted to be open bit it was so hard. Dei just sat there and let him get it out and pulled him into a hug. Itachi walked up behind Deidara tapping his back, he had seen the whole conversation while Dei had watched him standing by the tree behind the bench. The bag of food from the café crunched and hit Sasuke's keys at his side causing them to jingle as Sasuke looked up on shock at his brother standing there.

Itachi held up a hand to stop Sasuke from talking. "I saw the conversation. It must be hard for you Sasuke and I'm sorry that I didn't realize it. Your still my sibling and I still love you. I think we should take a break for now though and all sit and have a picnic since we have all this food." Sasuke was lead by a smiling Dei and Itachi as the moved to the grass and passed around the sandwiches and sweets. Maybe there was hope Sasuke thought as he ate glancing at the leafless trees and the almost empty park. This time of year definitely had some perks. The wind picked up a little and blew Dei's scarf into Itachi's face making them all laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this thought for this story in my head for a while so I am hoping it turns out well.
> 
> Also I have changed the story up a bit.
> 
> Sorry to the people who have been reading this, some notes and messages I have received kinda made me want to avoid trying to write this, but I'm back and hopefully will be posting a chapter a week now.


End file.
